Sex Geek Thoughts

joli3laide:

I’m having an argument with my friend about whether or not size matters. I am a virgin. She is not. This all started because I told her I was into Asian guys and she said she wasn’t because she didn’t like small penises. 

She says size matters because “a small penis will get you almost nowhere near climax.”

I don’t think size matters because I’ve heard a lot of non-virgin people say that it’s how you use it that matters, and that makes sense to me. Even if size kinda mattered, I still think it’s how you use it that matters. I bet guys who are…well endowed would probably assume that since they’re…well endowed they don’t have to do anything else but lay there and make some grunting noises every once in a while. I feel like smaller guys probably felt the need to educate themselves in the art of pleasing a woman to compensate for their shortcomings. 

Also…I read in a few different places that most women can’t climax through vaginal penetration. They need some sort of clitoral stimulation. Added to some hands on research (hahaha get it? cause my hands…well really one hand…lol nvm) that I’ve done, I’d say that the data seems legit. 

But um…I’m just a kid, and like I said before, this whole sex thing that seems to be all the rage hasn’t happened to me yet so I don’t know half what I’m talking about. Educate a sistah? 

Oh, a loaded pile of questions! Reblogging to allow for a longer answer.

First of all, you should know that sexual stereotyping based on race like your friend’s comment is, well, rude. I don’t actually know of any reliable research comparing average penis size among different races, and I suspect that the myths about penis size are based on racist stereotypes about “effeminate Asian men” and “hypermasculine aggressive Black men”, etc. There really is nothing about someone’s outward appearance that can tell you what their genitals will look like, feel like, or how they will respond, although you can look to their personality and behaviors for some minor cues as to have attentive a lover they might be.

Now to address your real question.

Some anatomy facts: the most sensitive area of the vagina will generally be within the first 3 inches from the opening. Stimulating the spongy tissue at the front of the vagina at this depth is where the g-spot is usually located. Some people find this produces a very intense orgasm, others just aren’t feelin’ it. The average penis, finger or dildo will generally be sufficient, even if they are on the small side, provided that penetration is your thing.

There are other ways to stimulate the vagina also, some people find very deep penetration even up to bumping the cervix pleasurable. (Many others find this painful.) Some people find the anterior wall can be stimulated in a similar way as the g-spot, and there are different penis-in-vagina positions that can increase or decrease the amount of penetration depending on preferences.

You’re right to note that penetration is not sufficient for most people with vaginas to reach orgasm, only about 30% consistently reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone. Penetrative sex can still be very pleasurable, whether or not you orgasm from it. A very clear and important point I want to make is that it’s okay to like some kinds of penetration but not others, or to enjoy penetrative sex with or without an orgasm. It’s also okay to find penetrative sex boring and not your thing. There’s no wrong way to do it.

It’s not just penises that can vary in size, however! Vaginas and vulvas are all different, and vaginas vary in size also (although they can stretch and expand to accommodate a lot.) Partnered sex is about two (or more) people coming together to enjoy each other. Some people find larger penises to be too big. Keep in mind the larger the object you’re trying to insert, the more care you have to take with lubrication and sufficient arousal to avoid tearing, and a partner who is very “well endowed” may leave you feeling sore if you’re having a lot of sex, so bigger is definitely NOT always better!

It really depends on both of your bodies, and how you fit together, not just physically but emotionally as well. Sex with a caring and sensitive partner is almost always better, regardless of size, than sex with someone who doesn’t care about how you feel.

On that note, sex is not all about penetration, and there are many ways to have partnered sex that doesn’t involve penises or vaginal penetration at all (even if your partner does have a penis.) Oral sex and mutual masturbation can be just as intensely intimate and satisfying as penis-in-vagina sex.

In the end, does size matter? Not really, but sometimes. Some people really do find very deep/thick penetrative sex to be their preference for how to get off, but my observations have not concluded that that’s the majority preference. I think that’s really just the majority of what’s depicted in mainstream porn.

Speaking of porn… Lots people with penises are anxious about their size, and what that means about them as lovers. Sometimes they worry that they’re not big enough, or they’re not good enough, but it’s definitely not true that penis size is any indication of how good a lover someone is (whether they’re trying to “compensate” for something or whatever. I’ve known well-endowed lovers whose anxieties drove me crazy in a very not-good way.)

In my experience, what really matters is that you find someone who has good communication and listening skills to have a strong relationship with, and the sex part just requires some experimenting.

I would recommend the book “The Clitoral Truth” if you haven’t read it, it has a lot of good diagrams on anatomy to explain the hows and wheres of pleasure (although it may not be sufficient for intersex or trans audiences.) It also talks a bit about relationships if I recall correctly.